Ode to Time

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“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: 

A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NKJV

Dear Time,

I apologize for not having more respect for you

In most instances

I know I don’t acknowledge you at all

Sorry, that my heart refuses to bow down to you

That my mind constantly takes your name in vain

My body does not reverence you

For my soul is too heavy to adhere to your restrictions

Seasons tell me to move on

Yet, I’m still stuck on yesterday

Trying to make sense of these multitudes of insignificance

I fail to grasp the concept

Because I dig for meaning in dry, man-made soil

There is no life inside the memories I store

When God sets aside a time for joy

My feet are more inclined to dangle rather than dance

When its time to build

I’m often deconstructing

I have trouble obeying

And now I’m paying

Jet-lagged from life

I am simply too slow

To know

This is where you let go

And embrace the new season approaching

Truth is, I missed calls from winter, spring and summer

So I didnt catch my ride to the next destination

Been too busy trying to save that I’ve been losing more than I can afford

And its funny…

I know time flies…

But when heartbreaks, losses and failures form a traffic jam

On the only motorway to peace

I just need a minute

I know the road to growth has no shortcuts, but

Please, don’t take off without me

I promise,

I’m coming…

I’m coming

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I sit on a set table

The faces surrounding me look unfamiliar

This grand room with shiny floors

Is a dungeon of silence

Dinner is served, sacredly

We dine together every rest day

The plates out, ceremoniously set

But within this room

There lies no rest

Can anyone break this silence?

Can we unfence our pretences and simply break… the bread?

A voice, like sour wine, graces the table…

“For what we are about to receive, may we be truly grateful.”

A tinkling interrupts the sounding brass

As my elbow accidentally knocks the stainless steel

The moment, cold as steel

But beneath our skin, blood boils

Will we ever break… the bread?

Will we ever recall at all

The reason why we maintain this awkward ritual?

I seem to remember all that is insignificant

These shiny floors

This grand room

Inside this magnificent prison,

We have set camp in the bliss of ignorance

The bread…

We don’t touch it.

We stare at it,

Become stale on its behalf

Why is that?

Our hands haven’t cracked a crust

Haven’t felt the crumbs fall like dust from our finger-tips

Nor wiped the leftovers from the sides of our mouths

Let alone shared a piece

There is bread on the table

Yet we remain unfed

Famished,

And far too many words left unsaid

We are never fully filled

By food which we aren’t hungry for…

The bread is always on offer

But now I’m starting to wonder

How long for?

What’s In A Woman?

This woman…

Enters the room

Reeking of the stench of yesterday’s sorrows

Her feet are the sea shores of lost captains

Looking for a place to settle on for just a short while

She’s got stories to tell

She’s laughed more than she’s cried

Lived more than she’s died

Her carnal nature is vile

But God still glows through her sun-kissed skin

As if it had it’s own smile

This woman…

Has been swimming through storms

Since she stepped out of troubled waters

She’s seen her heroines bow down to another power

And she wonders,

What’s in a woman?

Weakness is a foreign currency to females

And we’ve been inflated ever since the beginning of time

Our cries are known but unnoticed

Embodying strength and elegance

We fight stereotypes of being labelled as seductive

In a world that seems to value us for being sexually reproductive

But are we also to blame?

When we entertain and respond to being called derogatory names

Can we really complain?

When our standards descend

And our hearts remain open for simply anyone

What’s in a woman?

Women carry a worth more prestigious than fine stones

We are landmarks of Triumph. Integrity. Humility. Beauty.

Never to be merely reduced as something enticing to the male eye

God implanted power and poise

To bring up men out of boys

When men made themselves evanescent

And left women no choice

But to be strong

Women always have to be strong

For often our meekness

Is misconceived as weakness…

Woman of God,

Your imperfections make you interesting

Don’t ever apologise for having those eyes

That tell more than any man has ever seen in print

Never conceal the rivers of wisdom which flow from within

You are a light

A city on a hill

On days when your mind may drift away from this very fact

Just be still…

And know that He is God

And you are made in His image

Fleeting

Time and all that ticks to it 

Fades with the bonds we faked 

While it lasted

A smile, a hug, a kiss

They all but too quickly become a miss

Questions unanswered

Remain unanswered questions

Everything is fleeting

The only eternity

Is what we cannot see

And everyday I notice

How futile sentiments can be

How absurd 

To hold on to what you cannot keep

And seeking comfort where we could never claim home

Everything is fleeting

This body decays as days fade

Death is a destination from which we inherit an invitation when we are born

What we do in between those two landmarks

Will determine who we are

As time blows

And the wind flies

We go where it takes us

Some take what they can

Some give what they wish

While the wise, find meaning

Everything is fleeting

Love is no single high note

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Oh, how we get excited when we we’re in love… 
The sky never looks grey, 
Instead we gaze upon shades of clouds dipped in silver linings 
The symphony of a dove rings harmoniously, gently welcoming you into each day 
Music is the next best thing to breathing 
You hear it in everything that God puts in motion 
Nothing can wipe the smile off your face

 
Oh, how we get excited when we we’re in love… 
Engulfed by the euphoria of having someone to have, and to hold 
Envisioning your future and aroused with the idea of it becoming a blissful reality 
Realising that you want to tell the whole world 
About the one who makes your knees weak 


Oh, how we get excited when we we’re in love… 
Floating on the freeing sensation of joy 
Of childhood dreams, clutching the hand of the one you call your other half 
How their hair always looks so perfect 
Just as effortlessly as the way they put a curve to your lips 
Love makes you blink at faults, embracing them 
Only enough as to say,
We’ll work through them together 
Love will remain through the ugliness 
It will stay firm on days when the music stops
For eventually, 
Silence will impose itself upon you 
As unsaid words seep out like air through the back tire of a car 
There will be days 
When starting a conversation will feel like a Monday morning 
Those hands you once held like a trophy 
Will feel ominously cold 
But love,

Love remains constant
Through the winter
Like bare trees
Miraculously bear leaves and fruit
When the sunbeams illuminate God’s grandeur on the earth
Love is no single high note…
Like all good things,
It takes time
It requires patience
But when it’s sealed in unwavering commitment
Becomes a sweet symphony
To be sung throughout your generations

Soliloquy

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“O my soul, my soul!

I am pained in my very heart

My heart makes a noise in me

I cannot hold my peace…” -Jeremiah 4:9

Soul, I’m afraid I’ve sold  out segments of you…

The receipt lists: ex lovers, big cities and this job that makes sense,

But makes unsettling noise

O my soul,

Why have you my body to choose?

Cruising on the waves of decision

Made my eyes blind to the Lords vision

I took destiny upon myself

My soul giver no longer has my heart

For I’ve given it away in parts

The part that remains,

I search for in pain

Everyday, I awake

Yet, I am  in my body dead

If you looked deep enough

You’d see the imprints of those

Who lefts marks on this fossil I call my heart

Their eyes glaring back like a deer in the dark

With lights shining in its face like a  race drawing to an end

I never did intend to become a hedonist

I never saw much pleasure in a life like this

The euphoria somehow swallowed my body

And I danced with it

A little bit too long…

A little bit to too close…

To a dangerous song

Hypnotising, black

Making things which once were, seem to all revert back

I need God now more than I ever have…

As I sit and enquire my existence

My soul pleads for a God who unlocks prisons

My life is crowded

With people, passwords, schedules and fleeting time

And a phone,

So smart it knows me better than my own family

I just need God to set me free…

Cleanse me of all my filthy ways

And place me back on the straight and narrow way

These days,

I sit and gaze in the mirror at a body that seems to look familiar

But o my soul

I cease to see you

I cry out for my inner self

To become a true figure

I need God now more than I ever have

But I’ve been a slave to this world

O my soul..

The only prayer I have left within me

Is that the Lord finds you

Before I lose you..

Completely.

Nyctophiliac…

 

 This is for girls who’ve grown to love dark rooms

Grown to love the dark and sitting alone

Crying on the bedroom floor

As I sit and stare through the window, I am reminded that there are things which lie beyond

This space

This place

This exhibition of solitude

Silently serenading the love songs that reminded me of you

This, is the last poem I will write about you…

You boasted of shallow confidence

And your eyes made my mouth water

I saw my father in you

They say women are emotional…

Maybe it’s because we carry the emotions of boys

Who we borrowed hoodies from

We wore those wolves’ coverings as if they were our own

Stood in the mirror

Barely recognizing ourselves

We proudly wore your pelts

Temporarily took away the pain you felt

When she broke your heart

And you came running, looking for help…

This is for the girls who never loved themselves enough to be

Angry at a boy for leaving them

Just because mama never cried every single day of her life

Never taught you from birth 

How to break the bones of boys who are to blame

Never cussed and made threats

When admitting her title of miss, 

Even though she has two kids

Doesn’t mean it was okay for her to not have the man who helped make you by her side.

Peace comes from a broken heart

But never be afraid to feel

When he’s hurt you

Never be afraid to admit the depths of pain that he’s caused you

Don’t let another sun set

With tears clinging onto your eyelashes

Let it go

Let him know

His words are a tattoos you both agreed on

But he was never serious about

Yet, he was never fearful in holding you

And didn’t think twice of the risk that you just might get attached

We’ve been attacked

Fallen victim to dark rooms

Where we unveil our masks

Men become boys

And women, weak, heed to their sleek talks and gentle touch

Slight grab and hand tucked under your waist

Declaring your body as their new found territory

Sticks his flag inside your earth

You’ve been conquered.

The bed was never made to be a battleground

That’s why you can’t sleep

Loneliness fought its way into our comfort zones

Now our bedrooms are graveyards

With tombstones inscribed with poetry

Even though he’s no longer around

Those who enter this space

Have to pay their respects to him.

This is the last poem I will write about him.

For I have chosen to press shut down on this conflict

We deserve more than lies and prototypes of incomplete men

There is a window

With a road on the other side

And the sun rise, marking its finish line

So today, I will choose to resurrect hope

And hug the Son back

Thankful for His ever-open arms

I’ll release all the bitterness I had towards him

Into the atmosphere

For he has gained his wings

And his weight is no longer too heavy on me

For there is something

Which lies beyond this space

His excuses will not become me

The only thing I will retain is the memories

And pretty soon, they too must fade away

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul!

I will no longer try to fill this hole

In the morning when I rise,

Give me Jesus.

Dark midnight was my cry,

Give me Jesus.

And when I’m come to die,

Give me Jesus.

Only He can make me whole.