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“O my soul, my soul!

I am pained in my very heart

My heart makes a noise in me

I cannot hold my peace…” -Jeremiah 4:9

Soul, I’m afraid I’ve sold  out segments of you…

The receipt lists: ex lovers, big cities and this job that makes sense,

But makes unsettling noise

O my soul,

Why have you my body to choose?

Cruising on the waves of decision

Made my eyes blind to the Lords vision

I took destiny upon myself

My soul giver no longer has my heart

For I’ve given it away in parts

The part that remains,

I search for in pain

Everyday, I awake

Yet, I am  in my body dead

If you looked deep enough

You’d see the imprints of those

Who lefts marks on this fossil I call my heart

Their eyes glaring back like a deer in the dark

With lights shining in its face like a  race drawing to an end

I never did intend to become a hedonist

I never saw much pleasure in a life like this

The euphoria somehow swallowed my body

And I danced with it

A little bit too long…

A little bit to too close…

To a dangerous song

Hypnotising, black

Making things which once were, seem to all revert back

I need God now more than I ever have…

As I sit and enquire my existence

My soul pleads for a God who unlocks prisons

My life is crowded

With people, passwords, schedules and fleeting time

And a phone,

So smart it knows me better than my own family

I just need God to set me free…

Cleanse me of all my filthy ways

And place me back on the straight and narrow way

These days,

I sit and gaze in the mirror at a body that seems to look familiar

But o my soul

I cease to see you

I cry out for my inner self

To become a true figure

I need God now more than I ever have

But I’ve been a slave to this world

O my soul..

The only prayer I have left within me

Is that the Lord finds you

Before I lose you..


2 thoughts on “Soliloquy

  1. It’s easy to lose ourselves in this life’s rat race… Everything just seems a haze, one bad decision after another.
    “It is Satan’s work to dethrone God from the heart, and to mould human nature into his own image of deformity. He stirs up all evil propensities, awakening unholy passions and ambitions. He declares, All this power, these honours, and riches and sinful pleasures will I give thee; but his conditions are that integrity shall be yielded, conscience blunted. Thus he degrades the human faculties, and brings them into captivity to sin.” [MYP 54]
    If it wasn’t for Jesus!! “In this conflict of righteousness against unrighteousness we can be successful only by divine aid. Our finite will must be brought into submission to the will of the Infinite; the human will must be blended with the divine. This will bring the Holy Spirit to our aid; and every conquest will tend to the recovery of God’s purchased possession, to the restoration of His image in the soul” [55]
    He is our shelter in the time of storm, our deliverer 🙂

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