Soliloquy

download (2)

“O my soul, my soul!

I am pained in my very heart

My heart makes a noise in me

I cannot hold my peace…” -Jeremiah 4:9

Soul, I’m afraid I’ve sold  out segments of you…

The receipt lists: ex lovers, big cities and this job that makes sense,

But makes unsettling noise

O my soul,

Why have you my body to choose?

Cruising on the waves of decision

Made my eyes blind to the Lords vision

I took destiny upon myself

My soul giver no longer has my heart

For I’ve given it away in parts

The part that remains,

I search for in pain

Everyday, I awake

Yet, I am  in my body dead

If you looked deep enough

You’d see the imprints of those

Who lefts marks on this fossil I call my heart

Their eyes glaring back like a deer in the dark

With lights shining in its face like a  race drawing to an end

I never did intend to become a hedonist

I never saw much pleasure in a life like this

The euphoria somehow swallowed my body

And I danced with it

A little bit too long…

A little bit to too close…

To a dangerous song

Hypnotising, black

Making things which once were, seem to all revert back

I need God now more than I ever have…

As I sit and enquire my existence

My soul pleads for a God who unlocks prisons

My life is crowded

With people, passwords, schedules and fleeting time

And a phone,

So smart it knows me better than my own family

I just need God to set me free…

Cleanse me of all my filthy ways

And place me back on the straight and narrow way

These days,

I sit and gaze in the mirror at a body that seems to look familiar

But o my soul

I cease to see you

I cry out for my inner self

To become a true figure

I need God now more than I ever have

But I’ve been a slave to this world

O my soul..

The only prayer I have left within me

Is that the Lord finds you

Before I lose you..

Completely.

Advertisements